Conversation

Mom: Hi, hope you are studying and not wasting your time

Moi: I am :) , what you been up 2 lately woman?

Mom: I worry about u sometimes when u take the world as a game and do not estimate things right. In short u r young and inexperience, this is why I exist to guide u my dear.

Moi: Mother the only way ill stop doing my stupid shit is when I find who I am and what I am meant to be. Then and only then can I say no to opportunities thrown in my direction, because I know that they are not meant for me , and ill know that I am meant for better things

Mom: But you will always carry them with you, and it might take a lifetime to find yourself so do not do something that cannot be reverse or scars your vision.

Moi: Mom I need a target, by now I know this much about my self, when I have a target ill shoot straight at it. The trick is finding the right one I hope I am on the right track with the business that I am proposing. Did you ever ask your self why is it that I want to leave everything I know and go into un-ventured territory?

Mom: because you’re crazy, you’re trying to find out something by venturing and experimenting, rather then researching the informition. your the easiest and riskiest path… slower your pace.

Moi: lool that’s one way to look at it haha. It seems I do it because when I find my self in a situation I am not familiar with I rely on instinct and this is when I sneak a peak of the real me, the me I am looking for. One thing I can tell you is that I no longer want this in the way I am finding it not worth it any more.

Mom: good for the both of us.

Scholarships

One of the most wonderful things about Kuwait is that it provides its people with the opportunity to better themselves and their country in turn. Every year they have a cretin number of scholarships used for educational purposes. They send the most deserving (or so it seems) students to study abroad, places such as the States, Australia, Egypt and the UK to name a few. The purpose of creating this opportunity is to educate the Kuwaiti citizens to create great minds, so that they can implement change and development. So, intelligent, smart and those who hold much promise are sent, so that they can one day become innovators right? Wrong. A minority of those who are sent are the one’s who actually fall under this category, the rest are the ones who’s father, mother, brother, uncles or whatever’s hold a great influence ( “ Wasta”) placed them their. Some of these students who have been placed into the program are truly deserving of it, when they get to their destinations they actually study, learn and improve themselves, thankful for the opportunity they have been given. In this case there is a justification for the use of “Wasta”. Others give Kuwaiti’s a bad name. They travel for the purpose of partying and bringing destruction to themselves. What’s worse is that even after their first year is up and no positive development has happened on behalf of a given student, “Wasta” is used again to keep him there. This has many repercussions on the following generations who apply to get a scholarship; the scrutinization is painful, yet many low life’s slip through the cracks and manage to get a scholarship once more thanks to the “Wasta”. So instead of punishing those who are the cause of the problem, it falls on the heads of those who aren’t even at fault. The worst part of the whole issue is that usually the people with the most influence are those with the greatest amount in their bank account. It is really unjust to use the “Wasta” to send their sons or daughters on a scholarship if they don’t deserve it, because they can afford to send them and this minimizes the available slots.

Crush

As a kid I used to have crushes on random guys. Sometimes they would be hot at others smart, depending on my mood . The crush used to stem from wacky hormones, they were uncontrollable but as quick as they came they vanished. It’s been a while since I have had one of those moments, where at the site of a specific guy I just turn to mush. I have been thinking as to why this hasn’t happened to me lately, and just like that all of a sudden it did. The reason I didn’t recognize it at first was because the rush I got from my crush was unclear, since it had changed. The feelings were no longer that of fluttering butterflies in my stomach, or thoughts of how our babies would look. It was more like admiration, respect and the anticipation of what else is there to him.

the thing is..

I am sick of having everything childproofed for me, no longer a kid and soon not even a teen. Technically I am old enough to be a parent, but how am I suppose to be a good one if I have not had my fill of life. Seems odd I live one life but with two different paths. One in which I am independent and always learning, the other I am just stagnant. Being flexible is one thing but being constantly in an unstable environment is another. It’s a battle one minute I am free as a bird, the next I find my self in a cage. I have been coping for two years now with this same scenario, but lately the cage seems to be shrinking. I find my self performing greater acts of rebellion once I am allowed to fly to compensate for the lost time spent in the cage. Though more and more I find my self falling deeper into a hole that not even my wings can help carry me out of it. Seems I have one of two choices either try to eliminate the cage by embarking on a new path, or I just deal with it.